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[October 07, 2008 | 10:23 AM] |
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mood |
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 nostalgic |
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this is how it happened. you hit the big two and everything starts to change. your life turned upside down and instead of being wiser, you found yourself in a bigger shithole. you thought back and you remembered. you dumped, got dumped, got cheated, got lied. you turned into a squeaking mouse, and found yourself in fear of the world. and then you woke up one day, heard the birds singing, realise that life goes on and you go about setting it straight. stood up tall, taller than you could, surrounded yourself by people who matters most.
you thought your life could finally be right. then comes along another set of news, similar to the one that led you to refuse birthday invitations and holed up in your room. you know you can`t pretend anymore so you stopped, you cut off everything and you sat to think if it was for the best. you know that it was, you prayed that it was though as disappointing as it could get.
you still stood straight, and walked ahead because you know that this is life.
you thought you met someone, whom you could finally truly love, hell, you`ve never felt this way and then BAM! your world was in pieces.
he cheats he lies, he gets fresh with girls behind your back, he cheats and he lies some more, he claimed he was single and free to other girls. he says he can`t love nor can`t he commit he doesn`t even bother to show up for the sixth monthsary when he promised and you sat crying alone waiting for him till ten at night before you gave up and headed home you know of his every sick conniving act but you loved him, foolishly, to say anything you kept quiet and held your grieve and smiled when he asked about your day.
he says he can`t love neither does he want to let go. he couldn`t choose between you and a girl he knew for a couple of days. he says he`s deleted her, but you found out it`s a lie.
he swore to god, but it was all lies. you lay awake at night wondering if you could ever trust him, and you know you can`t.
you stay awake till 6 in the morning everyday, dragged yourself out of bed, be late for school, just to wait for him because he said he`s out there riding. you were worried sick, because you didn`t want to lose him. you waited everyday, not even as much of a text from him and neither did he return your calls when you got bored and missed him. you wondered why and you prayed for an answer.
and you got what you wanted, he clubbed, he pubbed behind your back. he lied in every sense a sick guy could.
that was as much as you could take, but you learnt that patience was virtue. you could still forgive him, you still loved him, but he ended it with a simple, you can`t trust me so what`s the point of being together.
you learnt he tried getting to know someone new, just one week after the break up.
god that stings. you wondered why did he even bother to text the day after the break up.
perhaps it was a gesture of, oh i`m just checking if you`re still alive because i hope you won`t kill yourself in sorrow because that would mean i`m the cause of it.
boy did you cry.
did you try hard not to fall to pieces.
but you couldn`t cry, because there wasn`t any left,
drained out and withered.
but i`m happy now, happier even.
i`m over you, over the past, and everything else.
and i`m starting a new
for the many memories, it`s for the best this stops. ohcrapitsmonday has been a pleasure, a great place and a weird link on people`s journals.
see you readers some time.
goodbye world(:
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[October 06, 2008 | 07:23 PM] |
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mood |
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nostalgic |
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music |
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Damasutra - Seribu Bayangan |
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ramadhan this year has been pretty insighful, though i regret not having terawih for the month. was pretty much cooped up in geylang, becoming the sungguh tak glamourous, minah kuih, refraining from kutuk-ing the minahs and mats, kerana sesungguhnya saya sedang berpuasa, refraining from saying boleh kak? boleh ape? BOLEH BELAH tu rude and cold makciks and pakciks. breaking fast with cik khanafee and the rest of pondok people, being teased by iman for the stupid act and of course, the rest of the beautiful people.
met people that i`ve long not met, lepaskan rindu to ani and yasser, the two beautiful couple who made me run like a mad girl in the buzzling bazzaar because i was afraid to have lost them without a hug first (:
been lovely despite the heat, sweat, stench of the kambing-lembu next door.
many things have happened, both good and bad, painful decisions were made, but i prayed, it was for the best and i`m sorry if i`ve hurt you, or anyone else
it was heartbreaking to say goodbye to such a beautiful month, but hello ketupats and rendangs (:
thank you god.
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[October 05, 2008 | 11:09 PM] |
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mood |
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 ecstatic |
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tonnes of pictures coming up. just WAIT.
i`m a happy bunny, very very(:
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[October 03, 2008 | 04:16 PM] |
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mood |
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confused |
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this is fucking stupid.
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[October 03, 2008 | 11:42 AM] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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and this, goes out to you shaz.
sometimes, you are fucking unbelievable. truly(:
you yelled, when i was speaking as soft as i could. you called me so much degrading names, that makes you a sucker for not respecting the females. you don`t have that in you. you don`t respect women. period.
you told me i was better off being a christian, when all i did was to not tell you where/who i was with because honestly, who are you for me to keep reporting to?
you said sorry.
you said you didn`t mean it.
you said, you`re gonna wait.
you said, you ain`t gonna look at another girl.
you said this, you said that.
and BAM!
the next thing i knew, you`re running off to be amy`s closest friend. which she ironically rejected you, twice.
doesn`t anything get into that thick skull of yours?
i never promised you anything, many a times i told you to move on.
but as said, nothing gets into that thick skull of yours.
in your head, with your non-existent brain, you conjured your own drama, and go running off to your friends for sympathy.
that is, truly pathetic.
i never said you can`t befriend girls, all i asked was to not promise the world to me and do the exact opposite behind me.
that`s all.
and honestly, i hope you`re happy and i wish you dead.
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[September 30, 2008 | 10:14 AM] |
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mood |
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 gloomy |
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..and finally, you reduced me to tears.
was not fun, none at all.
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[September 26, 2008 | 01:41 PM] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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dinner at popeye`s was good. would have been better though if you were not around.
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[September 25, 2008 | 09:52 AM] |
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mood |
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 exhausted |
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yeah, just as well. just when i finally found that courage to get out, be out, venture out. who do i have to see? ....but his friends. honestly, is there no place safe to go without having anything to trigger the flashbacks? it`s getting old and very very, draining.
yesterday was just too exhausting, school, fyp, gym and heading out to help in the stall.
if this goes on, i think i might just as well lose my mind.
would have been better i suppose too.
and i can`t even open my eyes, dragged myself out of bed just to realise the clock struck half past eight already.
another zero for the day.
now, get out of my sight.
and you. haven`t you hurt me enough? try picking on the golden daughter for a change okay?
not even a simple sorry for the words you hurled out, didn`t even give me the chance to say anything. uhhuh.
you think you know everysinglefucking thing that`s in my life,
but the sad truth is, you know nuts.
and boy oh boy, stop blaming your sickness for this stupid childish unreasonable actions.
and stop talking about religion.
you`re the last person i want to hear it from.
so have fun picking on me, time and again and then pretend you hadn`t said a singlefucking hurtful thing and ask if i`ve had dinner.
yeah, you`re full of pretence.
good day.
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[September 24, 2008 | 09:58 AM] |
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mood |
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busy |
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ok pictures from last friday are up because i`ve decided to not be a pig. or atleast, lesser of a pig(:
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[September 23, 2008 | 10:44 AM] |
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mood |
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 awake |
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last night, the breathing attack came on pretty sudden. mother kept waking me up because my breathing was too fast (dier tak tau aku tengah mimpi lari olympics!) HAHA. tossed and turned and prayed it wouldn`t hurt.
i don`t want to think of him, much less talk about him. i don`t even wish to see him, much less to even hear his name. i am over him, just that this memories, they won`t really go away. what he did, was something too much to handle, yet i think i`m doing fine. i am over him, just not over what he`s done.
so stop asking if i am alright, because i do not have any answers to that.
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